Songs are a big part of hashing, whether you are in circle or at drinking practice, so learning the songs is a must! Read below to find the words to your favorite song. If you see a song that is missing, send us a message with the title and words and we will add it to the list!

Short Songs

Longer Songs

Dinah, Won't You Blow Me? As I Was Walking
Dough, the Stuff that Buys Me Beer The Ball of Kirriemuir
The Frenchman Went to the Toilet Barnacle Bill
Fuck a Duck Bestiality's Best
Fuck Off Clint Meets the Gay Caballero
Give Me an A! The Engineer's Song
Happy Birthday Follow the Band
He's a Hasher, He's True Blue Gang Bang
He's the Meanest Glorious, Victorious
He Oughta Be Publicly Pissed On The Hairs of Her Dickey Di-Do
Here's to Brother Hasher The Hash House Quartet
Her Right Tit Hangs Down I Don't Want to Join the Army
His One Skin Hangs Down I Used to Work in Chicago
Hitler Has Only Got One Ball The Jesus Song
Hold It in Your Hand, Mrs. Murphy The Lassie With the Black Hairy Assey
Hymn My Girl's a Vegetable
Our Lager My Name is Jack
Last Night The Music Man
Love Me Tender Poetry
Meet the Hashers Rodriguez the Mexican Pervert
My Asshole is Sore The S&M Man
The Nipples On Her Tits Swing Low
No One Wants to Fuck Grandma Woodpecker Song
Now You've Finally Shut Up Yo Ho
The Old Brown Cow Yogi Bear
Pissonya
Sally in the Alley
She's a Little Sexpot
Shitty Trail
Skeeter on My Peeter
A Soldier I Will Be
There Was a Little Bird
They Say He's a Joy to His Mother
Twenty Toes
What a Wank
When It's Hog-Calling Time in Nebraska
When It's Incest Time in Texas
Where, Oh Where, Were You Last Week?
Whip It Out at the Ball Game
Why Are We Waiting?
Why Was He Born So Beautiful?
With an F, With an F, With an F-U-C
Would You Like a Finger?
 

Dinah, Won't You Blow Me?

To the tune of "I've Been Working on the Railroad" Dinah, won't you blow me Dinah, won't you blow me Dinah, won't you blow my hooorrr-orn? Dinah, won't you blow me Dinah, won't you blow me Dinah, won't you blow my horn? Someone's in my sister's vagina Someone's in my sister I knooo-oowww Someone's in my sister's vagiiii-naah Pumping like a dynamo Dynamo, dynamo, dynamo Back to top

Dough, the Stuff that Buys Me Beer

To the tune of "Do Re Mi" Dough, the stuff that buys me beer Ray, the guy who brings me beer Me, the guy who drinks the beer Fa(hr), a long way to the beer So, I'll have another beer La(ff), and have another beer Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer And that brings us back to D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! Back to top

The Frenchman Went to the Toilet

To the tune of "La Marseillaise" The Frenchmen went to the toilet For to have a -- jolly good shit, shit, shit He took his coat and trousers off So that he could -- revel in it, it, it But when he reached for the paper He found that someone had been there before "Ou est le papier? Ou est le papier? Monsieur, monsieur, je fais manure Ou est le papier?" Ouvrez le pantalon Display le grand baton Frappez, frappez Toujours frappez Aa-ah, c'est l'amour! Back to top

Fuck a Duck

To the tune of "Do Re Mi" Fuck a duck, a female duck Screw a baby kangaroo Fingerbang an orangutang Let an elephant do you Feel the penis of an eel Whack the asshole of a yak Masturbate with a gnu And that brings us back to Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck Back to top

Fuck Off

To the tune of "Auld Lang Syne" Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off Fuck off, fuck off, fuck off Back to top

Give Me an A!

Give me an A! (A!) Give me an A! (A!) Give me another A! (A!) What's it spell? Aaaaahhhhhhh. Back to top

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, fuck you Happy birthday, fuck you Happy birthday, fuck you Happy birthday, fuck you Back to top

He's a Hasher, He's True Blue

He's a hasher, he's true blue He's a hasher, through and through He's a pisspot, so they say He'll never go to heaven 'cause he'll go the other way Back to top

He's the Meanest

He's the meanest He sucks the horse's penis He's the meanest He's the horse's ass Ever since he found it (hey!) All he does is pound it (hey!) He's the meanest He's the horse's ass So drink chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug Drink chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug Back to top

He Oughta Be Publicly Pissed On

He oughta be publicly pissed on He oughta be publicly shot (bang bang) He oughta be tied to a urinal And left there to fester and rot Back to top

Here's to Brother Hasher

Here's to Brother Hasher Brother hasher, brother hasher Here's to Brother Hasher May he chug-a-lug He's happy, he's jolly He's fucked up, by golly Here's to Brother Hasher May he chug-a-lug So drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker Drink motherfucker, drink motherfucker Here's to Brother Hasher May he chug-a-lug Back to top

Her Right Tit Hangs Down

To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" Her right tit hangs down to her belly Her left tit hangs down to her knee If her right tit hung down to her left tit She'd get lots more weenie from me (Can be followed by "They Say She's a Joy to Her Mother" ) Back to top

His One Skin Hangs Down

To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" His one skin hangs down to his two skin His two skin hangs down to his three His three skin hangs down to his fore skin His fore skin hangs down to his knees Roll back, roll back Roll back his foreskin for him, for him Roll back, roll back Roll back his foreskin for him Back to top

Hitler Has Only Got One Ball

To the tune of the "Colonel Bogey March" Hitler Has only got one ball Goering Has two, but very small Himmler Has something similar But poor old Goebbels Has no balls At all Back to top

Hold It in Your Hand, Mrs. Murphy

Hold it in your hand, Mrs. Murphy It only weighs a quarter of a pound It's got hair round its neck like a turkey And it spits when you jerk it up and down, down, down, down.... Back to top

Hymn

Hymn, hymn Fuck him Back to top

Last Night

To the tune of "Funiculi, funicula" Last night, I laid in bed and held my plonker In my hand And it was grand Last night, I laid in bed and masturbated It did me good I knew it would First, I did the long strokes Up and down Up and down Then, I did the short strokes I tickled the crown I tickled the crown And then I eased it, squeezed it Whacked it on the floor Yanked it, spanked it Chucked it out the door Some people tell me sexual intercourse is grand But speaking for myself I'd rather hold it in my hand Back to top

Love Me Tender

To the tune of "Love Me Tender" Love me tender Love me sweet Wrap your lips around my meat Hold me close and watch me grin As my cum runs down, down, down, down.... Back to top

Meet the Hashers

To the tune of "The Flintstones" Hashers, meet the hashers We're the biggest drunks in history From the Hash of Gypsies We are leaders in debauchery Half-minds, trailing shiggy through the years Watch us, as we down a lot of beers Down down, down down down down, Down down down down down down down down Down down down down down Down down down down down down Back to top

My Asshole is Sore

To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" My asshole is sore from your fucking My asshole is sore from your dick My asshole is sore from your stuffing So give it a rest, you prick Back to top

The Nipples on Her Tits

Oh, the nipples on her tits are as big as my thumb And the wiggle in her ass would make a dead man cum She's a cool motherfucker She's a real cocksucker She's a harriette. Back to top  

No One Wants to Fuck Grandma

Original tune My father does my sister My brother fucks my mother And little Johnny likes to bugger the dog (yee-hah!) My foreskin's still a-buzzin' From givin' my cousin lovin' But no one wants to fuck Grandma Bow bow bow Grandpa used to do her Now even he won't screw her No one wants to fuck Grandma Back to top

Now You've Finally Shut Up

Male version Now you've finally shut up You sorry son of a bitch So drink your beer, get out of here You make my asshole itch Female version Now you've finally shut up You've finally quit your bitchin' So drink your beer, get out of here And get back in the kitchen Back to top

The Old Brown Cow

The old brown cow went thfpppt! up against the wall Thfpppt! up against the wall Thfpppt! up against the wall The old brown cow went thfpppt! up against the wall And now it's covered with shit, shit, shit Back to top

Our Lager

Spoken, not sung; this is a fucking prayer, after all. Show some goddamn respect. Our Lager Which art in barrels Hallowed be thy drink Thy will be drunk I will be drunk At home as in the tavern Give us this day our foamy head And forgive us our spillages As we forgive those who spill beer against us And lead us not into incarceration But deliver us from hangovers For thine is the Beer, the Bitter and the Lager For ever and ever Barmen Back to top

Pissonya

Pissonya, pissonya, pissonya In Russian it means I love ya If I had my way I'd piss on ya all day Pissonya, pissonya, pissonya Shitonya, shitonya, shitonya In Russian it means I adore ya If I had my way I'd shit on ya all day Shitonya, shitonya, shitonya Cumonya, cumonya, cumonya In Russian it means I need ya If I had my way I'd cum on ya all day Cumonya, cumonya, cumonya Back to top

Sally in the Alley

Sally in the alley, sifting cinders Lifted up her skirt and farted like a man The wind from her butt blew out six winders The cheeks of her ass went bam! bam! bam! Back to top  

She's a Little Sexpot

To the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot" She's a little sexpot Short and squat Here are her handles Here is her twat When she's all filled up Then hear her shout "Bend me over And eat me out!" Back to top

Shitty Trail

To the tune of "The Mickey Mouse Club" S-H-I, T-T-Y T-R-A-I-L Shitty trail (It sucked!) Shitty trail (Totally fucked!) I'd rather sit here And drink my beer Than run your shitty trail Back to top

Skeeter on My Peter

To the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It" There's a skeeter on my peter, whack it off There's a skeeter on my peter, whack it off There's a dozen on my cousin I can hear those fuckers buzzin' There's a skeeter on my peter, whack it off Back to top

A Soldier I Will Be

To the tune of "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" Asshole, asshole A soldier I will be To piss, to piss Two pistols on my knee For cunt, for cunt For country and my queen Asshole asshole asshole asshole A soldier I will be Back to top

There Was a Little Bird

There was a little bird No bigger than a turd Sitting on a telephone pole He ruffled up his neck And shit about a speck And puckered up his little asshole Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole He puckered up his little asshole Back to top

They Say He's a Joy to His Mother

To the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" Some hashes sing this as a continuation of "Why Was He Born So Beautiful?" They say he's a joy to his mother But he's a pain in the asshole to me (Alternate second verse) My body lies over the ocean My body lies over the sea My father laid over my mother And that's how they created me Back to top

Twenty Toes

To the tune of "Yankee Doodle" There's a game called 20 toes, It's played around the town, Girls play with ten toes up, The boys with ten toes down, down, down, down, ... Back to top

What a Wank

To the tune of the William Tell Overture What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank, what a wank wank wank What a wank, what a wank wank wank Back to top

When It's Hog Calling Time

When it's hog-calling time in Nebraska When it's hog-calling time in Nebraska When it's hog-calling time in Nebraska Then it's hog-calling time in Nebraska Boom chug-a-lugga-lugga, boom chug-a-lugga-lugga Boom chug-a-lugga-boom Boom chug-a-lugga-lugga, boom chug-a-lugga-lugga Boom chug-a-lugga-boom (King Rongjon's air guitar solo) (Alternate verses) When it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand When it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand When it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand Then it's sheep-fucking time in New Zealand When it's cow-punching time in Texas When it's cow-punching time in Texas When it's cow-punching time in Texas Then it's cow-punching time in Texas Back to top

When It's Incest Time in Texas

To the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas" When it's incest time in Texas And there's no cunt to be found Your mother's in the outhouse With her panties halfway down No time for masturbation No time to beat your meat When it's incest time in Texas Mother-fucking can't be beat! Back to top

Where, Oh Where, Were You Last Week?

To the tune of that song from "Hee-Haw" Where, oh where, were you last week? Why did you make us hash all alone You fat lazy bastard, you weren't even here So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the beer Down, down, drink it all down Drink it all down, drink all of that beer You fat lazy bastard, you weren't even here So we fucked all the virgins and drank all the beer Back to top

Whip It Out at the Ball Game

To the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" Whip it out at the ball game Wave it round at the crowd Dip it in peanuts and cracker jack If you like you can give it a whack 'Cause it's beat your meat at the ball game If you don't come it's a shame For it's one, two, you've covered in goo At the old ball game Back to top

Why Are We Waiting

To the tune of "O Come All Ye Faithful" Why are we waiting We could be masturbating O why are we waiting So fucking long? (Why why why why why why why) Why are we waiting We could be fornicating O why are we waiting O why are we waiting O why are we waiting So fucking long? Back to top

Why Was He Born So Beautiful?

Why was he born so beautiful Why was he born at all? He's no fucking use to anyone He's no fucking use at all Back to top

With an F, With an F, With an F-U-C

To the tune of the William Tell Overture With an F, with an F With an F-U-C With an F-U-C-K-Y-O-U With an F, with an F With an F-U-C With a K, Y-O-U Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you Fuck you in the morning Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you Fuck you in the evening With an F, with an F With an F-U-C With an F-U-C-K-Y-O-U With an F, with an F With an F-U-C With a K, Y-O-U Back to top

Would You Like a Finger?

Oh would -- you like -- a finger in your ear Or would -- you like -- a finger in your rear (Beer held over head, twirling) No sir, not fucking likely Not fucking likely Not fucking like-ly Hey! Drink, drink, drink, drink.... Back to top

As I Was Walking

To the tune of the Doxology (consult a Presbyterian) As I was walking through St. Paul's The vicar grabbed me by the balls I cried for help! but no help came And so he grabbed my balls again (slap knee in time, repeat previous verse in faster rhythym ) As I was walking through the woods I shat myself, I knew I would I cried for help! but no help came And so I shat myself again (slap knee in time, repeat previous verse in faster rhythym ) As I was lying in the grass Somebody fucked me up the ass I cried for help! but no help came And so they fucked my ass again (slap knee in time, repeat previous verse in faster rhythym ) Back to top

The Ball of Kirriemuir

Four and twenty virgins came down from Inverness And when the ball was over there were four and twenty less Chorus: Singing balls to your partner Ass against the wall If you can't get laid on Saturday night You'll never get laid at all The village vicar he was there, in his long black shroud Swinging from the chandelier and pissing on the crowd (chorus) The village leper he was there, sitting on a log Peeling off his foreskin and feeding it to the dog (chorus) The village economist, he was there, penis in his hand Waiting for the moment when supply would meet demand (chorus) Sgt. Murphy he was there, the pride of all the force They found him in the stable, wanking off his horse (chorus) The village marshal he was there, with his sword in hand And every time he turned around he circumcised the band (chorus) The bride was in the bedroom, explaining to the groom The vagina not the rectum is the entry to the womb (chorus) The groom was in the parlor, explaining to the bride The penis not the scrotum is the part that goes inside (chorus) The village plumber he was there, he felt an awful fool He'd come eleven leagues or more, and forgot to bring his tool (chorus) Little Timmy, he was there, he was only eight He couldn't join the fucking so he had to masturbate (chorus) The minister's wife was at the ball, a-sitting in the front A wreath of flower round her ass, a carrot in her cunt (chorus) The village magician, he was there, doing his favorite trick Pulling his foreskin over his head and vanishing up his prick (chorus) The queen was in the kitchen, eating bread and honey The king was in the chambermaid, and she was in the money (chorus) The village cripple he was there, he wasn't good for much He lined up all the ladies and fucked them with his crutch (chorus) The local harlot, she was there, a laying on the floor And every time she spread her legs the vacuum shut the door (chorus) There was fucking in the haystacks, fucking in the ricks You couldn't hear the music for the swishing of the pricks (chorus) They were fucking in the parlor, fucking in the grass All that you could see were waves of undulating ass (chorus) There was fucking in the hallway, fucking on the stairs You couldn't see the carpet for the layer of pubic hairs (chorus) The village smithy, he was there, sitting by the fire Doing abortions by the score with a red-hot piece of wire (chorus) First lady forward, second lady back Third lady's finger up the fourth lady's crack (chorus) The local herder, he was there, and he began to weep All these willing ladies, and not a single sheep (chorus) A couple of Hashers, they were there, a-looking for a fuck But all the cunts were occupied and they were out of luck (chorus) And when the ball was over, everyone confessed They all enjoyed the dancing but the fucking was the best (chorus) Back to top

Barnacle Bill

Fair maiden: "Who's that knocking at my door?" "Who's that knocking at my door?" "Who's that knocking at my door?" Said the fair young maiden. Barnacle Bill: "It's Barnacle Bill, from over the hill," Said Barnacle Bill, the sailor. "It's Barnacle Bill, from over the hill," Said Barnacle Bill, the sailor. Maiden and Bill continue to alternate stanzas: "Shall I come and let you in?" "Open the door, and lay on the floor." "Will you sleep upon the mat?" "Bugger the mat, you can't fuck that." "What's that thing between your legs?" "It's a pole to stick up your hole." "What if my parents should find out?" "I'll shoot your Pa and fuck your Ma." "What if we should have a child?" "Smother the bugger and fuck for another." "What if we should have a girl?" "We'll dig a ditch and bury the bitch." "What if we should have a boy?" "I'll take him to sea so he can fuck like me." "What if you should go to jail?" "I'll use my cock to pick the lock." "What if you should get the chair?" "I'll lay a fart and blow it apart." Back to top

Bestiality's Best

Can also be sung substituting "boys" for the individual names Chorus: Bestiality's best, boys, Bestiality's best -- FUCK A WALLABY! Bestiality's best, boys, Bestiality's best. Tie me wallaby down, boys, Tie me wallaby down, You can't fuck him when he's hopping around, boys, So tie me wallaby down. Change your luck with a duck, Chuck, Change your luck with a duck, A duck's a marvellous fuck, Chuck, So change your luck with a duck. A drake's the best all around, mate, A drake's the best all around, Its entry's surrounded by down, mate, A drake's the best all around. A camel's a hell of a lay, Kay, A camel's a hell of a lay, Humping the hump, as they say, Kay, A camel's a hell of a lay. A moose is no bloody use, Bruce, A moose is no bloody use, She's big, she's mean, and she's loose, Bruce, A moose is no bloody use. You can shoot your load in a toad, dude, You can shoot your load in a toad, If there's nothing else to be rode, dude, You can shoot your load in a toad. Me wife was raped by an ape, Nate, Me wife was raped by an ape, She's in marvellous sexual shape, Nate, Ever since she was raped by an ape. A rhino's a hell of a treat, Pete, A rhino's a hell of a treat, The horniest thing on four feet, Pete, A rhino's a hell of a treat. A mongoose is no piece of cake, Jake, A mongoose is no piece of cake, He'll attack your one-eyed snake, Jake, A mongoose is no piece of cake. You can come again in a hen, men, You can come again in a hen, When you've had everything else in the pen, men, You can come again in a hen. Try to give a badger a roger, boys, Give a badger a roger A badger's a hell of a dodger, boys, You just can't roger a badger. You can go the course on a horse, Morris, You can go the course on a horse, There's lots of animals worse, Morris, You can go the course on a horse. You can try your log in a frog, boys, You can try your log in a frog, If it's the only thing in the bog, boys, You can try your log in a frog. You can stick your pole in a mole, Cole, You can stick your pole in a mole, If your pole's incredibly small, Cole, You can stick your pole in a mole. You can try to screw a red 'roo, Lou, You can try to screw a red 'roo, Be careful it doesn't screw you, Lou, When you try to screw a red 'roo. An ostrich can give you a ride, Clyde, An ostrich can give you a ride, When you get your weapon inside, Clyde, An ostrich's a real wild ride. You can try getting bare with a bear, Clare, You can try getting bare with a bear, But he's attached to his hair, Clare, So don't try to make him get bare. Screwing a turtle's a lark, Mark, Screwing a turtle's a lark, If you've got foreskin like bark, Mark, Then screwing a turtle's a lark. A gator is tricky to boff, Toff, A gator is tricky to boff, Wrong end and you'll get it bit off, Toff, A gator is tricky to boff. Any old beast for a fuck, Chuck, Any old beast for a fuck, Even an Irishman's luck, Chuck, When you need a beast for a fuck. You can get it on with an iguana, Donna, You can get it on with an iguana, But only if you really wanna, Donna, You can get it on with an iguana. Put your log up a dog, Claude, Put your log up a dog, Don't you fancy a dog, Claude, Put your log up a dog, 'cause . . . More verses: Stick your lug in a slug, Doug (Aren't you hot for a slug, Doug?) Slip your slew to a ewe, Lou (Don't you dream of a ewe, Lou?) Get turned on by a duck, Chuck (Doesn't that make you go quack, Chuck?) Tickle the clit of a gnat, Matt (Isn't that just where it's at, Matt?) Rough love with a horse, Boris (You gotta use force with a horse, Boris) Back to top

Clint Meets the Gay Caballero

An original song by King Rongjon Oh, Clint was a cowboy, he rode on the range When he came into town he would sing this refrain Key yai yai, yippie yai yai, key yai yai yippie ay I'll gladly pay Tuesday for a blowjob today On Clint at the whorehouse the door was slammed shut His credit not good for a worm eaten slut Key yai yai, yippie yai yai, key yai yai yippie ay You cannot pay Tuesday for a blowjob today So, into his saddle Clint dejectedly sank He sat on his horse and he started to wank Key yai yai, yippie yai yai, key yai yai yippie ay I cannot pay Tuesday for a blowjob today The Gay Caballero, his name was Latrell Rode in with a song that made Clint's member swell Key yai yai, yippie yai yai, key yai yai yippie ay You can pay me on Tuesday for a blowjob today For the Gay Caballero ol' Clint was no match They found him sucked dry in a tumbleweed patch Key yai yai, yippie yai yai, key yai yai yippie ay Well the Gay Caballero won't get paid Tuesday The moral is clear if you're looking for it A blowjob on credit is worthless as shit Key yai yai, yippie yai yai, key yai yai yippie ay That's Clint meets the Gay Caballero, Ole! Back to top

The Engineer's Song

An engineer told me before he died Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum An engineer told me before he died Ah-hum, ah-hum An engineer told me before he died I have no reason to think he lied Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum He had a wife with a cunt so wide Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum He had a wife with a cunt so wide Ah-hum, ah-hum He had a wife with a cunt so wide That she could never be satisfied Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum Ah-hum titty-bum titty-bum titty-bum So he built a bloody great wheel... With two balls of brass and a prick of steel The balls of brass he filled with cream... And the whole bloody thing was powered by steam He tied her down onto the bed... And lashed her arms above her head There she lay demanding a fuck... He shook her hand and he wished her luck Round and round went the bloody great wheel... And in and out went the prick of steel Up and up went the level of steam... Down and down went the level of cream Til at last the maiden cried... Enough! Enough! I'm satisfied! Now we come to the tragic bit... There was no way of stopping it She was split from ass to tit... And the whole bloody room was covered in shit It jumped off her and it jumped on him... And then it went after his next of kin It hopped onto an uptown bus... It's coming to fuck the rest of us! The last time that machine was seen... It was in Buckingham Palace fucking the queen The moral of this story is clear... You just don't fuck with an engineer! Back to top

Follow the Band

My girlfriend is a lawyer, is a lawyer, is a lawyer A mighty fine lawyer is she All day long she fucks you, she fucks you, she fucks you And at night she comes home and fucks me Chorus: So drink a little bit, fuck a little bit, follow the band Follow the band with your gland in your hand So drink a little bit, fuck a little bit, follow the band Follow the band all the way Additional verses: Glassblower/blows glass/blows me Mail clerk/licks stamps/licks me Nurse/takes temps/takes me Gymnist/strides poles/strides mine Baker/kneads bread/needs me Dancer/does steps/does me Asthmatic/sucks air/sucks me Cowboy/rides broncs/rides me Mechanic/screws bolts/screws me Soldier/shoots guns/shoots cum Guitarist/plays licks/licks me Pimp/beats whores/beats me Carpenter/bangs nails/bangs me Truck driver/grinds gears/grinds me Postman/stuffs boxes/stuffs me Student/fucks off/fucks me Plumber/lays pipe/lays me Chef/eats this, he eats that/eats me Bricklayer/lays brick/lays me Dentist/drills you/drills me Taxidermist/stuffs dead things/stuffs me Stool Pigeon/fingers crooks/fingers me My girlfriend is a prostitute, a prostitute, a prostitute And a mighty fine prostitute is she All day long she fucks you, she fucks you, she fucks you And when she comes home she goes to sleep. (chorus) Back to top  

Gang Bang

Chorus: I love a gang bang, oh yes I will Because a gang bang gives me such a thrill When I was younger and in my prime I used to gang bang all the tiii-iiime But now I'm older and turning grey I only gang-bang twice a day-ay Knock knock (who's there?) Ida (Ida who?) Ida want another gang bang... (chorus) Knock knock (who's there?) Turner (Turner who?) Turner over, let's have another gang bang... (chorus) Gladiator... Gladiator out before the gang bang... Oliver... Oliver clothes were off at the gang bang... Ranger... Ranger for best entry at the gang bang... Dolly Parton... Dolly's partin' her thighs at the gang bang... Ben Dover... Ben Dover and have another gang bang... Police... Po-leeze take me to the gang bang... Extinct... It stinked like fish at the gang bang... Sharon... Share and share alike at the gang bang... Alice... At least he stopped bringing his grandma to the gang bang... Anita... Ah needa little rest before the gang bang... Eisenhower... Eisenhower late for the gang bang... Tijuana... Tijunana bring your mamma to the gang bang... Charlie Pride... Charlie pried her legs apart at the gang bang... Irish... Irish we were at the gang bang... Banana... Banana na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na na na Na na na na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na-ah Orange... Orange you glad I didn't say Banana na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na na na Na na na na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na-ah Cuba... The capital of Cuba is Havanana na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na na na Na na na na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na-ah San Francisco... The former quarterback of the San Francisco Forty-Niners is Joe Montanana na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na na na Na na na na na, na na na na Na na na na na na na na-ah Back to top  

Glorious, Victorious

Drunk last night Drunk the night before And now I'm gonna get drunk Like I've never been drunk before And when I'm drunk I'm as happy as can be 'Cuz I am a member of the Hash family Chorus: Singing Glorious, Victorious One keg of beer for the four of us Singing glory be to God That there are no more of us 'Cuz any one of us could drink it all alone Damn near Pass the beer To the rear Of the Hash house Oh, the Hash family Is the best family To ever come over From the old country There's the High Hash drunks The Low Hash drunks There's the Asian drunks And the other damn drunks (chorus) To the tune of "She'll be Comin' Round the Mountain" Oh, there are no serious Hashers by the Bay (by the Bay) Oh, there are no serious Hashers by the Bay (by the Bay) 'Cuz they're all a bunch of queers Who get drunk on half a beer Oh, there are no serious Hashers by the Bay (by the Bay) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the Valley (in the Valley) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the Valley (in the Valley) 'Cuz they're all just freaks and geeks They'll sit and masturbate for weeks Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the Valley (in the Valley) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the East Bay (in the East Bay) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the East Bay (in the East Bay) They hang around the Oakland hills Smoking dope and popping pills Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the East Bay (in the East Bay) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Wine Country (in Wine Country) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Wine Country (in Wine Country) 'Cuz it's grapes they like to crush But mention sex, they'll only blush Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Wine Country (in Wine Country) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in New York (in New York) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in New York (in New York) 'Cuz they talk like Donald Duck And they don't know how to fuck Oh, there are no serious Hashers in New York (in New York) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the Navy (in the Navy) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the Navy (in the Navy) 'Cuz they're all in little boats Making love to sheep and goats Oh, there are no serious Hashers in the Navy (in the Navy) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Calgary (in Calgary) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Calgary (in Calgary) 'Cuz they'll run through waist-deep snow Just to give a cow a blow Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Calgary (in Calgary) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Florida (in Florida) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Florida (in Florida) 'Cuz they all wear string bikinis And they all have tiny weenies Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Florida (in Florida) (chorus) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Kentucky (in Kentucky) Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Kentucky (in Kentucky) 'Cuz they're all a bunch of hicks Who are playing with their pricks Oh, there are no serious Hashers in Kentucky (in Kentucky) (chorus) Back to top

The Hairs of Her Dickey Di-Do

Also known to purists as "The Mayor of Bayswater"; see alternate start below . Chorus: And the hairs (and the hairs) And the hairs (and the hairs) And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees One black one, one white one, and one with a little shite on And one with a little light on, to show us the way (chorus) She's not a great looker, but everyone took 'er And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) You'd need a coal miner to find her vagina And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) If she were my daughter I'd have them cut shorter And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) I've touched it, I've licked it, it tastes just like brisket And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) She lived by the waterfront, with the waves lapping up and down her cunt And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) She married an Italian, who was hung like a fucking stallion And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) She divorced the Italian, and married the stallion And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) I folded her lips back, and there found a six-pack And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) It was always hit-or-miss, whether I could find her clitoris And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) I reached into her thing, and there found my class ring And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) I've licked it, I've felt it, it was just like velvet And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) She says that she's not a whore, but she bangs like a shithouse door And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) The aroma it lingers, it smells like fish fingers And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) She stayed in Seattle, and went down on cattle And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) She met a Hash House Harrier, who fucked her but wouldn't marry her And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) Alternate start: The Mayor of Bayswater, he had a lovely daughter And the hairs of her dickey di-do hung down to her knees (chorus) Back to top

The Hash House Quartet

Sung by the Hash House Quartet Have you got a hard-on -- not yet Can you get one -- you bet So suck me off Back to top

I Don't Want to Join the Army

I don't want to join the army I don't want to fucking go to war I'd rather hang around Picadilly underground Living off the earnings of a high born lady I don't want to take it up the arsehole I don't want me bullocks shot away I'd rather stay in England, in merry, merry England And fornicate me fucking life away, gor blimey Monday I touched her upon the ankle Tuesday I touched her upon the knee Wednesday I confess I lifted up her dress Thursday I saw you know what Friday I put me hand upon it Saturday she gave me balls a twitch And Sunday after supper I rammed the fucker up her Now she earns me 40 quid a week, gor blimey Alternate line: Now she wants it seven days a week, gor blimey (In falsetto) I don't want to be a housewife I'd much rather be a whore I'd rather turn some tricks Involving foot long pricks Housework is a bore, gor blimey I don't want to do his fucking laundry I don't want to cook his fucking food And if I'm getting laid I should be getting paid Else I'm really truly getting screwed Back to top

I Used to Work in Chicago

Chorus: I used to work in Chicago In a department store I used to work in Chicago But I don't work there any more. A woman came in for a computer (a computer from the store) A computer she wanted, my Wang she got, I don't work there anymore. (chorus) Verses for men: A lady came in for a sweater... "Jumper," she wanted, jump her I did... A lady came in for some seafood... Seafood she wanted, crabs she got... A lady came in for a floppy disk... Floppy disk she wanted, my hard drive she got... A lady came in for some plumbing... Plumbing she wanted, my pipe she got... A lady came in for a pipe... Pipe she wanted, hosed she got... A lady came in for a doughnut... Glazed she wanted, cream filled she got A lady came in for an elevator... Elevator she wanted, my shaft she got... A lady came in for some carpet... Carpet she wanted, laid she got... A lady came in for a hammer... Hammer she wanted, nailed she got... A lady came in for a carpet... Carpet she wanted, shagged she got... A lady came in for some metaphysical conversation... Metaphysical conversation she wanted, fuck she got... A lady came in for some bolts... Bolts she wanted, my nuts she got... A lady came in for a ham... Ham she wanted, porked she got... A lady came in for some stockings... Stockings she wanted, a hosing she got... A lady came in for some butter... Butter she wanted, spread she got... Verses for women: A man came in for a balloon... A balloon he wanted, blown he got... A man came in for some wheels... Wheels he wanted, rimmed he got... A man came in for a beer... Bavarian he wanted, bush he got... A man came in for a doughnut... Doughnut he wanted, my hole he got... A man came in for a horse... Horse he wanted, ridden he got... A man came in for some carpet... Shag he wanted, piles he got... Back to top

The Jesus Song

To the tune of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together Jesus can't go hashing 'cuz his feet are tied together Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves Chorus: Free beer for all the Hashers Free beer for all the Hashers Free beer for all the Hashers Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves Jesus can't lay trail because the flour falls through his hands Jesus can't lay trail because the flour falls through his hands Jesus can't lay trail because the flour falls through his hands Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves (chorus) The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake The pack can't catch Jesus 'cuz he runs across the lake Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves (chorus) (spread arms) The harriettes love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this The harriettes love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this The harriettes love Jesus 'cuz he's hung like this Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves (chorus) (on your knees) Jesus, we're only kidding Jesus, we're only kidding Jesus, we're only kidding Jesus saves, Jesus saves, Jesus saves (chorus) Back to top

The Lassie With the Black Hairy Assey

Here's to the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. Bagpipe sounds: Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah Then there was the jockey with his upstanding cocky, Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. (bagpipe) Then there was the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky, At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky, Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. (bagpipe) Then there was the queerie who was leering through his beery, At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky, At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky, Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. (bagpipe) Then there was the Harlot making money in the car lot, To support the queerie who was leering through his beery, At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky, At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky, Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. (bagpipe) Then there was the Hasher who was posing as a flasher, Hustling customers from the Harlot making money in the car lot, To support the queerie who was leering through his beery, At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky, At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky, Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. (bagpipe) Then there was the Wenchy doing down-downs on a benchy, Slaking the thirst of the Hasher who was posing as a flasher, Hustling customers from the Harlot making money in the car lot, To support the queerie who was leering through his beery, At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky, At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky, Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. (bagpipe) Now the moral of this ditty is when in San Francisco City, And you're with your favorite girlie, chasing hairs all short and curly, Just remember to take her hashing and to give her a good bashing, And to avoid the Wenchy doing down-downs on a benchy, Making money for the Hasher who was posing as a flasher, Hustling customers from the Harlot making money in the car lot, To support the queerie who was leering through his beery, At the sight of the Yankee who was wanking in his hanky, At the thought of the jockey with the upstanding cocky, Who was riding on the lassie with the black hairy assey, Who was lifting up her kilty at the Gypsies Hash. (bagpipe) Back to top  

My Girl's a Vegetable

Chorus: My girl's a vegetable She lives in a hospital I'd do most anything To keep her alive She's got a new TV It's called an EKG I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) Her EKG does not rise Still she can part her thighs I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) She has no arms or legs Just hooks and wooden pegs I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) She has no feet or hands Her head's held on by rubber bands I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) She's got a tracheotomy She can breathe while giving head to me I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) She cannot hear, she cannot see But she's got an oral cavity I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) She can't get out of bed Still she can give me head I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) She might not live out the night So she won't put up a fight I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) She's had an episiotomy That's a bigger hole for me I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) My girl has leprosy Bits and pieces land all over me I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) I'm always guaranteed a blow Because she cannot say no I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) My girl has long blonde hair It's in patches here and there I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) There's one doctor I won't let in That's Dr. Kevorkian I'd do most anything to keep her alive (chorus) Back to top

My Name is Jack

Lyrics originally credited to Flying Booger My name is Jack, Jack, Jack I'm a necrophiliac, ack, ack I fuck dead women, immen, immen I fill 'em full of jism, ism, ism I get frustrated, rated, rated When they're cremated, mated, mated, Try as I must, must, must I can't fuck dust, dust, dust Each time I pass Through the cemetary gate I have to stop And masturbate My name is Judy, Judy, Judy My favorite stiff's a beauty, beauty, beauty Though his pecker's soft and thin, thin, thin His femur slips right in, in, in Most girls like their guys aware, ware, ware I prefer a lifeless stare, stare, stare Don't you call me a ghoul, ghoul, ghoul Just because my guy is cool, cool, cool Each time I pass Through the mortuary gate, My vagina starts To lubricate. My name is Paul, Paul, Paul My girl doesn't move at all, all, all It's not that she's frigid, frigid, frigid It's 'cause she's rigid, rigid, rigid Most like their women quick, quick, quick But the thought makes me sick, sick, sick I fairly dread, dread, dread Sleeping with the un-dead, dead, dead Every time I see A passing hearse, My akey-breaky Balls ache worse. My name is Mary, Mary, Mary I cruise the obituaries, aries, aries So what if they're dead, dead, dead They don't fart in bed, bed, bed I like leathery skin, skin, skin I can poke it with a pin, pin, pin And when the worms come out the butt, butt, butt I can feed them to the mutt, mutt, mutt Every time I see A crematory urn, My genitals Begin to burn. Back to top

The Music Man

I am the music man, I come from down your way, And I can play. (Pack: What can you play?) I can play the piccolo. (with gestures) Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-low, pick-a-low, Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-pick-a-low. I am the music man, I come from down your way, And I can play. (Pack: What can you play?) I can play the piano. (with gestures) Pia, pia, pia-no, pia-no Pia, pia, pia-no, pia-pia-no. Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-low, pick-a-low, Pick-a-pick-a-pick-a-low, pick-a-pick-a-low. Additional verses: I can play the Sexyphone... Sexy-sexy-sexy-phone... I can sing like a bus driver... Holy shit the brakes don't work, brakes don't work... I can sing like Michael Jackson... Come here, come here, little boy, little boy, little boy... I can still sing like Michael Jackson... Holy shit my hair's on fire, hair's on fire... I can sing like Natalie Wood Glug glug glug glug glug glug glug, glug glug glug, glug glug glug... I preach like Pope John Paul Bless you, bless you, bless you son, bless you son, bless you son... (sprinking beer) Back to top

Poetry

Chorus: Poetry, poetry Don't you like my poetry Not as mellow As Longfellow But it's poetry Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white as snow And everywhere that Mary went That lamb was sure to go It followed her to school one day And a big black dog fucked it! (chorus) Little Miss Muffett Sat on a tuffett Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider That sat down beside her And said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?" (chorus) There was an old lady who lived in a shoe She had so many kids that her cunt would fit over a trash can (chorus) Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was sodden red The reason for that, you see Was the pickaxe through its head (chorus) Jack and Jill Went up the hill Each had a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two-fifty What a whore! (chorus) Little Boy Blue Because he needed the money (chorus) Little Jack Horner Sat in the corner Eating his sister Mary He stuck in his thumb And pulled out a plum And said, "Hey, what happened to the cherry?" (chorus) When Mary had a little lamb The doctor was surprised But when Old MacDonald had a farm The doctor nearly died (chorus) Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the kings horses and all the kings men Had one fucking big omelette (chorus) Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead She still takes it to school each day Between two hunks of bread (chorus) Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candlestick And singed his balls (chorus) Mary had a little lamb And it was always gruntin' She tied it to a five-bar gate And kicked its little cunt in (chorus) Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To fetch her poor dog a bone But when she bent over Rover took over Because Rover had a bone of his own (chorus) Roses are red Violets are blue That's what they tell me Because I'm blind (chorus) Jack was nimble, Jack was quick But Jill preferred the candlestick! (chorus) Mary had a little lamb She kept it in a bucket And every time she let it out Her rottweiler would fuck it (chorus) Back to top

Rodriguez the Mexican Pervert

Ay, yai, yai yai Rodriguez the Mexican pervert He'll eat out your mother and cumhole your brother And waltz you around by your willie. There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin "If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it!" Chorus: Ay, yai, yai yai A single-line insult; see here So sing me another verse That's worse than the other verse And waltz me around by my willie There once was a lady named Alice Who used dynamite for a phallus They found her vagina In North Carolina And her asshole in Buckingham Palace (chorus) There once was a young man from Boston Who drove a shiny red Austin It had room for his ass Two gallons of gas But his balls hung outside, and he lost 'em (chorus) There once was a woman from Nices Whose breasts were of two different sizes The left one was small Really no tit at all But the right one was huge and won prizes (chorus) There was a young man from Perth The sickest motherfucker on Earth He ate out his mother And cornholed his brother Then dined on his wife's afterbirth (chorus) There once was a young man named Dave Who kept a dead whore in a cave She was missing one tit And she smelled like shit But think of the money he saved (chorus) There was a young lady from Wheeling Who had a most peculiar feeling She'd lie on her back And tickle her crack And would come all over the ceiling (chorus) A brilliant young man from Racine Invented a fucking machine Concave or convex It would serve either sex But oh, what a bugger to clean (chorus) There once was a rabbi from Keith Who circumcised men with his teeth 'Twas not for the treasure Nor the sexual pleasure But to get at the cheese underneath (chorus) There was a young man from Belfast Whose balls were made out of brass In dark stormy weather He'd clang them together 'Til lightning shot out of his ass (chorus) There was a young fellow from Kent Whose dick was so long that it bent To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of cumming, he went (chorus) There was a young man from Paree Who buggered an ape in a tree The result was quite horrid All ass and no forehead Three balls and a purple goatee (chorus) There was a young man from Rangoon Who was born nine months too soon He didn't have the luck To be born from a fuck But was scraped from the sheets with a spoon (chorus) There was a young man from Nantucket Who took a pig in the bushes to fuck it As he entered the rear The pig said, "No, come round here, Approach from the front and I'll suck it." (chorus) There once was a couple from Adair That made love at the top of the stair On the sixty-eighth stroke The banister broke And they did 69 in mid-air (chorus) In the Garden of Eden sat Adam Just stroking the butt of his madam He was quaking with mirth For in all of the Earth There were only two balls, and he had 'em (chorus) There was a young lady named Anna Who stuffed her friend's cunt with a banana Which she sucked bit by bit From her partner's warm slit In the most traditional lesbian manner (chorus) A horny old rabbi in Peru Was vainly attempting to screw Said his wife in dismay "If you keep up this way, The Messiah will come before you." (chorus) There was a young priest in Morocco Whose motto was really quite macho He said, "To be blunt God decreed we eat cunt Why else would it look like a taco?" (chorus) There once was a villain most feared Who tied a girl to the train tracks and leered But he tied her up wrong ways Not crossways but long ways And a forty car train disappeared (chorus) There was a young lady of Croft Who played with herself in a loft Having reasoned that candles Could never cause scandals Besides which they never went soft (chorus) There was a young girl from Decator Who was fucked by a big alligator Now nobody knew The result of that screw 'Cuz after he laid her he ate her. (chorus) There was a young lady named Dot Who lived on pigshit and snot When she could not get these She'd eat the green cheese That she scraped from the sides of her twat (chorus) There was a young man from Lynn Whose prick was the size of a pin Said his girl with a laugh As she fondled his staff "This won't be much of a sin." (chorus) There was a young girl named McCall Whose cunt was exceedingly small But the size of her anus Was something quite heinous It could hold seven cocks and one ball (chorus) A Scotsman who lived by the Loch Had holes down the length of his cock When he got an erection He'd play a selection From Johannes Sebastian Bach (chorus) A lady astrologist in Vancouver Once captured a man by maneuver Influenced by Venus She jumped on his penis And nothing on Earth could remove her (chorus) There once was a girl named Ann Heiser Who claimed that no man could surprise her But Pabst took a chance Shot Schlitz in her pants And now she is sadder Budweiser (chorus) There was a young man from Australia Who went on a wild bacchanalia He buggered a frog Two mice and a dog And a bishop in fullest regalia (chorus) There once was a learned baboon Who always played on the bassoon For he said, "It appears That in billions of years I shall finally hit on a tune." (chorus) There was a young girl who begat Three brats, by name Nat, Pat and Tat It was fun in the breeding But hell in the feeding When she found she had no tit for Tat (chorus) There was a young man from Bengal Who had a rectangular ball The square of its weight Plus his penis times eight Was two-fifths of five-eighths of fuck all (chorus) There was a young man of Bombay Who fashioned a cunt out of clay But the heat of his prick Turned the clay into brick And it rubbed all his foreskin away (chorus) There was a young fellow from Brewster Who said to his wife as he goosed her "This used to be grand But look at my hand You aren't wiping as clean as you used 'ter." (chorus) An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Said, "Fucking is one thing I do know A woman is divine A boy even more fine But a llama is numero uno." (chorus) An unfortunate fellow named Chase Had an asshole that was badly misplaced He expressed indignation When an investigation Found that few people shit through their face (chorus) There once was a young whore from Kew Who filled her vagina will glue She said with a grin "If they pay to get in Then they'll pay to get out of it too." (chorus) There once was a couple named Kelly Who were found stuck belly to belly It seems in their haste They used library paste Instead of petroleum jelly (chorus) There was a young fellow from Leeds Who swallowed a packet of seeds Great tufts of grass Sprouted out of his ass And his balls were all covered with weeds (chorus) There was a young plumber named Lee Who was plumbing a lass by the sea She said, "Stop your plumbing! There's somebody coming!" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!" (chorus) There was an old lady from Phlox Who set dynamite off in her box When asked the sensation She cried with elation "It's better than elephant cocks!" (chorus) Single-line insults: Your mother and father were brothers Your sister's in love with a carrot Your mother swims out after troopships (and catches them!) The troopships requested your father Your sister licks batshit off cave walls Your mother does squat thrusts on fire hydrants Your brother beats off with a crowbar Your sister douches with Drano Your father re-fills creme doughnuts Your brother eats the creme doughnuts Your mother deflowered Speed Racer Your sister licks moose cum off pine cones Your brother likes sheep more than women Your mother likes gangbangs from scout troops Your father sucks farts from dead chickens Your sister goes down for a quarter Your mother makes tampons from gerbils Your sister can suck-start a Harley Your sister leaves slime trails like snails I'm the reasons my parents stopped having children Back to limericks Back to top

The S&M Man

Can also be sung as "The S&M Girl" for those so inclined Who can take a bicycle (who can take a bicycle) Tear off the leather seat (tear off the leather seat) Impale a virgin on it and push her down a bumpy street? Chorus: The S&M Man, the S&M Man The S&M Man can 'cause he mixes it with love, And makes the hurt feel good (makes the hurt feel good) Alternate chorus (sing after every five or six verses): The S&M Man, the S&M Man He's the one who hurt your mother Sodomized and raped your brother There can never be another (doo-di-doo, doo-di-doo) Who can take a dildo Ram it up your rear Fuck you all night long Until the shit comes out your ears? (chorus) Who can take a chainsaw Rev it up real high Shove it up your ass Just to hear you scream and sigh? (chorus) Who can take some sandpaper With some very nasty grit Rub it back and forth Until you have a bleeding clit? (chorus) Who can take a sander Made by Black and Decker Rub it up and down Until you've got a bloody pecker? (chorus) Who can take a chainsaw Cut the bitch in two Fuck the bottom half And toss the other half to you? (chorus) Who can take Grandpa Pump him full of 'ludes Drop him in a gay bar With a bunch of horny dudes? (chorus) Who can take Grandma Throw her on the lawn Fuck her up the rear While Grandpa cheers him on? (chorus) Who can take a candle Melt it on your skin Watch it blister up Then stick it with a pin? (chorus) Who can take a tire iron Stick up your hole Screw a jack way up your ass Until you rock 'n roll? (chorus) Who can find some newlyweds Sneak into their room Fuck the bride in bed And then sodomize the groom? (chorus) Who can take a little girl Before she's on the rag Fuck her till she's dead And then toss her in a bag? (chorus) Who can take a pussy Suck out all the yeast Spit it in some dough And bake up a tasty feast? (chorus) Who can take two ice picks Stick one in each ear Ride you like a Harley While he fucks you up the rear? (chorus) Who can take a light bulb Shove it up your ass Fuck you up the rear Until you're shitting chunks of glass? (chorus) Who can shave a pussy Without the shaving cream Slap some on some Aqua Velva Just to hear her yell and scream? (chorus) Who can take a glass rod Shove it up his prick Lay it on the table And smash it with a brick? (chorus) Who can take a cheese grater Strap it to his arm Rub it back and forth 'Til he makes pussy parmesian? (chorus) Who wears pants with zippers With no underwear Then pulls it up and down Until he has no pubic hair? (chorus) Who can take a pregnant woman Fuck her til she's dead Fuck her even harder Til the fetus gives him head? (chorus) Who can take a baby Lay it on a bed Turn the bugger over And fuck the soft spot in its head? (chorus) Who can go to an abortion clinic Sneak around the back Rummage through the dumpster 'Til he finds a tasty snack? (chorus) Who can go to an abortion clinic Forget about the back Run right through the front door And suck a fresh one from her crack? (chorus) Who can take your scrotum Stick it with a pin Hang on a bunch of weights Until it drags down to your shins? (chorus) Who can take just two bricks Take one in each hand Bang them on his balls Like the cymbals in the band? (chorus) Who can drive an ambulance To a totalled Cadillac Fuck the injured woman And her daughters in the back? (chorus) Who can take some jumper cables Attach one to each tit Connect them to a Mack truck 'Til she has orgasmic fits? (chorus) Who rubs down with honey Just to have a chance To lay out on the lawn And be a picnic for fire ants? (chorus) Who can shave his body Pubic parts and all Swim around all day In a pool of alcohol? (chorus) Who ties down his sweetie Every single day Covers her with rats And lets the kitties in to play? (chorus) Who can take some shackles Chain you to the walls Fill a glass with sperm By lancing both your balls? (chorus) Back to top

Swing Low

Hand gestures are required, but they can't be reproduced here. Swing low, sweet chariot (huh!) Coming for to carry me home Swing low, sweet chariot (huh!) Coming for to carry me home I looked over Jordan And what did I see (huh!) Coming for to carry me home A band of angels Coming after me Coming for to carry me home If you get there before I do (huh!) Coming for to carry me home Tell all my friends I'm coming too (huh!) Coming for to carry me home Repeat with humming, Scooby Doo, double-time with tongues out Back to top

The Woodpecker Song

I put my finger in a woodpecker's hole, And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul, Take it out, take it out, take it out, REMOVE IT." I removed my finger from the woodpecker's hole, And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul, Put it back, put it back, put it back, REPLACE IT." Continuing variations: Turn it round/REVOLVE IT Other way/REVERSE IT In and out/RECIPROCATE IT Speed it up/ACCELERATE IT Slow it down/RETARD IT Once again/REPEAT IT Leave it in/RELAX IT Pull it out/RETRACT IT Take a whiff/REVOLTING Back to top

Yo Ho

I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho I put my hand upon her toe, yo ho, yo ho I put my hand upon her toe She said, "Hey hasher, you're way too low!" "Get it in, get it out, quit fucking about!" Yo ho, yo ho, yo ho I put my hand upon her knee... She said, "Hey hasher, quit teasing me!" I put my hand upon her thigh... She said, "Hey hasher, you're way too shy!" I put my hand upon her tit... She said, "Hey hasher, you're getting it!" I put my hand upon her twat... She said, "Hey hasher, you've hit the spot!" I put my dick into her mouth... She said, "Mmrphhh mmrfrm fmmrrf mrphhh mmrfrm fmmrrf!" And now she lies in a wooden box... From sucking too many hasher's cocks We did her up every now and then... We fucked her once, we'll fuck her again! Back to top

Yogi Bear

There's a bear in the deep dark woods Yogi, Yogi There's a bear in the deep dark woods Yogi, Yogi Bear Yogi, Yogi Bear Yogi, Yogi Bear There's a bear in the deep dark woods Yogi, Yogi Bear Yogi has a little friend Boo Boo, Boo Boo Yogi has a little friend Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear Yogi has a little friend, Boo Boo, Boo Boo Bear Boo Boo Bear has no teeth Gummy, Gummy Boo Boo Bear has no teeth Gummy, Gummy Bear Boo Boo's only three feet tall Yogi, Yogi Boo Boo's only three feet tall Yogi's a lucky bear Additional verses: Yogi has a girlfriend (Cindy) Cindy likes it on the ice (Polar) Cindy likes it up the ass (Brown Bear) Cindy likes it on the ice (Polar) Cindy has a shaven snatch (Grizzly) Cindy likes it in the dark (Black Bear) Cindy likes it upside down (Koala) Yogi has a cheesy dick (Camem -- Camenbear) Yogi likes to roll his own (Smokey) Cindy's white and Yogi's black (Panda) Yogi has a twelve-inch cock (Lucky) Boo Boo says he has one too (Liar) Cindy Bear likes lingerie (Teddy) Cindy's in the NRA (Right to -- Right to Bear) Cindy Bear has double Ds (More than -- More than I can bear) Cindy likes menage a trois (Boo Boo -- Boo Boo's a lucky bear) Conclusion: Yogi Bear has HIV Dying, dying Yogo Bear has HIV Dying, dying bear Dying, dying bear Dying, dying bear Yogo Bear has HIV Dying, dying bear Back to top

Calendar

November 2018

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1
  • Drinking Practice @ TBD
2
  • Moonlight Hash
3
4
5
6
7
8
  • Drinking Practice @ LBOE
9
10
  • Trail #1079 Epi and Junk
11
12
13
14
15
  • Drinking Practice @ LBOE
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
  • Drinking Practice @ LBOE
23
24
  • Trail #1080 Eatin n' Tackle
25
26
27
28
29
  • Drinking Practice @ LBOE
30

Upcumming Events

From Facebook

July 24, 2018, 2:52 am
Dead Elvis 2018

Only 25 days until Dead Elvis! To ensure that you receive a shirt and SWAG, you must rego by 7/29/18. Click below to rego now http://memphish3.com/dead-elvis-2018/

Elvis may be DEAD, but we’re still alive, so let’s celebrate at Dead Elvis 2018! Don’t miss the awesome giveaways, the LiverKiller Prelube, the epic trail in search of Elvis in sh…

July 20, 2018, 8:29 pm

In case you needed some motivation to rego for Dead Elvis this year,here’s the shirt that you’ll get to remember the weekend (since you’ll be too drunk to remember anything)

For only $69 ... See more

July 19, 2018, 1:55 pm

Drinking practice tonight at 8pm at LBOE

July 13, 2018, 6:52 pm

Coveted spots to hare summer trails are going fast!

August 11 and August 25 are still available.

July 12, 2018, 2:09 pm

Drinking practice tonight 8pm at LBOE. Beat the clock is at 8pm with beer starting at $1!

July 7, 2018, 2:39 pm
Dead Elvis 2018

Have you regoed yet?!? It’s only $69 for a weekend you won’t forget. We’ve got beer, trails, beer, food, beer, pool party, beer, and more beer.

Dead Elvis Aug 17-19th. Sign up now while you ... See more

Elvis may be DEAD, but we’re still alive, so let’s celebrate at Dead Elvis 2018! Don’t miss the awesome giveaways, the LiverKiller Prelube, the epic trail in search of Elvis in sh…

July 7, 2018, 2:41 am

On after RP tracks

July 6, 2018, 3:22 pm

Trail tonight 7pm meet at Jason's Deli Parking lot (3473 Poplar Ave). Bring your own beer/drinks and a flashlight

July 5, 2018, 2:43 pm

Drinking practice tonight 8pm at LBOE🍻🔛🔛🍺

July 2, 2018, 4:35 pm

Mark your calendars for July's hash events:
Drinking practice every Thursdays at LBOE at 8pm
Trails: July 6th - Moonlight trail at 7pm
July 14th - Snapshat and Forrest Hump
July 28th - Beer Olympics ... See more

June 11, 2018, 10:07 pm
Dead Elvis 2018

Its rego time for Dead Elvis Aug 17-19th. Sign up now while you can still get the gimmies http://memphish3.com/dead-elvis-2018/

Elvis may be DEAD, but we’re still alive, so let’s celebrate at Dead Elvis 2018! Don’t miss the awesome giveaways, the LiverKiller Prelube, the epic trail in search of Elvis in sh…

June 9, 2018, 10:56 pm

On after Estates at River Point Pool
Gate code: 8280#

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